


You Don't Pick Just One

by phantasmist



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff, KakaObi, M/M, No Uchiha Massacre, Short & Sweet, ridiculous cuddle pile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 04:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11593050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasmist/pseuds/phantasmist
Summary: Kakashi wishes he had listened when he was warned that dating one Uchiha meant dating them all. Obito tries to explain that cousin-pile is just fact of life.





	You Don't Pick Just One

The intruder got in through the window. It was open, letting the cool rain-sweetened breeze of the late summer night into the apartment, and the fact that it was on the fourth level of the building was no trouble for an Uchiha. He dropped in soundless as a cat, whisked over to the bed, and kneed Obito right in the gut as he clambered over the top of him and burrowed under the sheets.

"Nffm... ghk!"

Coughing, Obito rolled and groped at whoever it was, trying to figure out how mad he ought to be. If it was Shisui, then very. Madara would be a nasty though not entirely unusual surprise. But Obito's hands met tufty, soft hair, smallness, and the lumpy head of a stuffed dinosaur. Oh, so. He couldn't be mad at all. He curled forward, snugging his arms around Sasuke, trying to get comfortable again.

"Something wrong?"

"Just couldn't sleep."

"Your dad will think I snatched you."

"I left a note, this time."

That might appease Uncle Fugaku, who was very against his youngest son being snatched, even by adoring and perfectly responsible older cousins. Obito shut his eyes again, yoinked the boy up against him until he could use him as a huggable prop without any bony joints jabbing where he didn't want them, and tried to remember what dream he'd been having a minute before.

From the other side of the bed came a long, pained sigh.

"What?" Obito demanded, irritated back into full consciousness.

"Nothing." Kakashi didn't even lift his mutt head up from the pillow. He was lying facing the wall. The gap between their bodies had been exactly Sasuke-sized, and was now totally full. The child, with careless Uchiha intimacy (for it was nothing, within the clan, to drop into the bed of a cousin and find a lover already there, and get comfy anyway) put his forehead down against Kakashi's shoulder and tucked his hands against the warmth of his side. It was a cuddliness he never would have displayed toward a non-relation out in the daytime world. But here, in the clan district, in the domestic safety of a familiar home, in a bedroom he considered his own because it belonged to a close family member, the rules were different.

That sigh, again.

"Got something you want to say?" Obito snapped.

"They warned me," Kakashi drawled, a wistful edge of regret in his voice. "They told me this was what it would be like with an Uchiha. I didn't listen."

"Completely amazing?" Obito guessed. "Also, what? Who warned you, when?"

"That first month after you got back. While you were in the hospital. A whole bunch of people saw what I didn't yet, that I was already doomed, and they warned me that getting involved with an Uchiha was a big mistake. You don't just get to pick just one. You end up with all of them."

"That's a bullshit overreaction. My little cousin wanting to sleep in bed with me isn't nearly the same as 'ending up with all of us,' idiot."

"Is Sasuke in here?" Another shadowy form dropped through the window and made its way over to the bed. Kakashi let out a smug, despairing little huff of breath.

"Shut up! It's not the same!"

"I'm here, brother. Get in on this side, there's still room."

"Look, this is what all families are like," Obito argued, switching tack. He shifted over a little bit, refusing to give up his grip on the cutest of his cousins as Itachi tried to wedge between them. "You just don't get it. Sure, you know, I mean I can admit that maybe the Uchiha are a more than usually—"

"—Creepy," Kakashi interrupted.

"— _well-bonded_ group. But it's not like we don't have any boundaries. Really, if anything, the problem is that you've got weird issues with—"

"—Hey, Itachi, was Sasuke in there?" A head dropped down and peered in upside-down through the window. Shisui put a hand on the sill and flipped himself easily inside, took two small hops, and lunged onto the bed. It wasn't a very large piece of furniture. He landed mostly on top of Itachi, half on top of Kakashi, and that was where he stayed, wiggling and stretching out to get comfortable.

"What are they arguing about?" he asked.

"Someone warned Kakashi not to date Obito, because of us," Sasuke supplied.

"Us? What's wrong with us?" Shisui seemed genuinely baffled and offended.

"He doesn't think we're normal."

"Is that it?"

"That's what he said. He doesn't like sharing the bed, I guess."

"Well where else are we supposed to sleep?" Shisui was close enough to actually take Kakashi's face between his hands and stare into his eyes. Which Kakashi allowed, with a sort of weary resignation. He was getting that look he got sometimes. A bit strained, like he was analyzing escape routes. "This is Cuddlepuddle Technique," Shisui informed him. "It's ancient, okay? A clan secret. Came right down from Madara. It's in the forbidden scrolls in the catacombs. Nothing better for accelerating chakra recharge."

Nice work with the name. None of it was true, of course. Or at least, Obito had never heard of any of it. But he nodded solemnly, and so did Sasuke, and even Itachi—who could occasionally be pulled into a prank of the very softest nature, if the other three of them were already playing it—and Kakashi didn't try to object.

"They warned me," he commiserated over again. "Even Kushina warned me. And I should have listened to her. She did it too, so she knew what she was talking about."

"Oh yeah," Shisui mused. "She dated Uncle Fugaku, didn't she? Before he was married?"

"No. It was Mother," Itachi supplied.

In fact, it had been both. Obito didn't know the details of all that. He just remembered it had started with two of them, and another had been added somehow, and for a while they had all thee been pretty inseparable. Which Obito didn't mention, because it sort of made Kakashi's point better than it made his own.

"Look," he said, and he had to reach over all three of his cousins to grab Kakashi's hand. "It's really not such a bad thing. You'll never be bored, right? Plus, I feel like you're being really negative here. What about focusing more on the completely incredible parts of having snagged your very own Uchiha?"

"That's my hand," Shisui pointed out, as Obito kissed the knuckles. "Here."

The hand that Obito had grabbed in the dark transferred another into his grip. Just to be totally sure this time, he felt up to the elbow and then the shoulder. Yeah, okay, that long limb, the strong, angular joints, those muscles. Definitely the right one this time. He did the knuckle-kiss again. And got another long sigh.

Of course, he had been warned too. If you were going to go outside the clan for romance, of course you were going to get someone who didn't really _get_ it. A lanky dog-breathed bozo who didn't understand that cousin-pile was just a fact of life. Who didn't grasp that Itachi being here meant there would probably be cheesy omelets for breakfast tomorrow, and so there was nothing to really complain about.


End file.
